


an entire country

by psidn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cultural Identity, Gen, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 03:32:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4861373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psidn/pseuds/psidn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lev is half Japanese, half Russian.<br/>Sometimes he feels like he is both.<br/>Sometimes he feels like he is neither.</p>
            </blockquote>





	an entire country

**Author's Note:**

> a week or so ago, i spent the day having a lot of feelings about Lev, and also about cultural identity, and then that evening this came out. i’m fond of it, so i figured i’d sat on it long enough.
> 
> important (to me) note: this is not so much about being half Russian and half Japanese as it is about cultural identity in general. i do not know enough about either Russian or Japanese culture, nor do i think i could learn enough through research, to do either of them justice. and so, i’ve left things somewhat vague, which led me to playing around with formatting a bit.
> 
> un-betaed and rough in a lot of ways, but i tried my best to be earnest. if you read it, i hope you like it:

Lev grows up knowing he's a little different:

he's much taller than all the other kids his age,  
he has to take a plane to see some of his family,  
when he's there, he doesn't understand them.

\--

At summer training camp he'd told Hinata that he doesn't know Russian, but that's not completely true. He knows some words, the basics like:

hello,  
goodbye,  
how are you,

and also endearments like:

my little lion.

When he was younger, when kids found out he was half Russian, they'd say, “say something in Russian,” and he would say, “hello,” and he would feel okay. But then afterwards he felt like maybe he hadn't wanted to do that very much.

So now he keeps it simple, and says he doesn't know any words.

\--

Yaku-san is the nicest. When Lev tells him this, "Yaku-san, you're the nicest," Yaku-san turns bright red and tells him to not be so bold. But Lev wasn't being _bold_ , he was just saying what he was thinking.

Yaku-san is also very short. It's kind of hard to remember to not say it, but it's.

He's so short!

Yaku-san kicks him if he brings it up, but Lev still thinks he's the nicest. This is because Yaku-san gives him receive practices, and tells him how to improve, and teaches him volleyball words, and sometimes helps him with homework.

"Even though you kick me when I tell you you're short, you're still the nicest, Yaku-san!"

For some reason, Yaku-san puts his head in his hands. 

\--

The summer during his last year of middle school, Lev and his mother took a trip to her hometown. It doesn't happen very often because tickets are expensive, but Lev's father had gotten a promotion at work and he gave them both a kiss on the cheek at the airport and said: 

have fun!  
say hello to everyone!  
bring back good memories to share with me!

When they passed the gate and boarded the plane, Lev's mother said:

maybe we can find you pants that fit you, over there.

During turbulence on the flight, she'd whispered prayers.

\--

Russia was nice and weird, because it was like someone went through his home in Tokyo, picked out all the bits that were his mother's, and then expanded them to an entire country!

When they passed by restaurants, he saw food his mother makes once in a while, right there, for everyone to eat. And when he was at his uncle's, he saw newspapers that look just like the news sites his mother checks, late at night, when his father won't notice (aah! your father thinks it worries me too much, and he's right, but if you sit still I will read the headlines to you). And at his grandfather's, he saw his mother cooking with his aunt, and scolding his little cousins, and having conversations with everyone, words flowing from her like a river he didn't understand.

And at all of these places, wherever he turned, people pronounced his name just the way his mother does.

\--

On their return trip their suitcases contained ten pounds less of presents for family and ten pounds more of:

black tea,  
jeans that fit Lev,  
sweatpants that fit Lev,  
nice pants that fit Lev,  
presents for friends.

\--

Lev had decided to join the volleyball team on a whim. Not a complete whim; he'd known he wanted to join a sports team, just didn’t know which one. But the day for sign-ups for clubs, he'd seen Kuroo-san with his cool hair holding up the sign-up sheet, and Kuroo-san had seen him and had said his height was good! so Lev had signed up.

Kuroo-san has not been as amazed about his height since. Instead now he says things like:

don't call yourself ace if you can't receive!

Lev knows what this means: 

you can be the ace one day, Lev!  
work hard, Lev!  
listen to Yaku-san, Lev!

\--

Lev is at home alone, watching cat videos, when the phone rings. He picks it up, and it takes a while to recognize his uncle's voice. His uncle keeps saying words Lev doesn't understand, but also says some words he does, like his mother's name. Lev manages to string together the words:

mother,  
out,  
home,

and his uncle says, “okay, goodbye,” and Lev says, “goodbye.”

When his parents come home, Lev says, "call from Russia today!"

"Did they sound alright?" his mother asks, sounding worried. 

"Yes? I think?" Lev says, and then he thinks, _maybe not?_ , and then thinks, _oh no_.

A phone call back, despite a frown at time zones, his mother talking in quick Russian, at first fine and then through tears, and Lev knows for sure, that his grandfather has died.

\--

Before he cries, he feels a sense of relief.

During their visit, just over a year ago now, he'd managed to finally get over his unnatural shyness that only ever came about in his mother's hometown, and he'd kissed his grandfather on the cheek, and said, “goodbye grandfather.” Then Lev and his mother had boarded the bus to the city, so that they could go to the airport, so that they could come back home.

\--

At school the next day, Kuroo-san says:

you sure are sighing lots,  
what's got you in the dumps,  
do you want to talk.

Lev thinks, meanly, that Kuroo-san probably gets to visit and gets to know both his grandfathers as much as he wants. He feels bad, right after, and instead he says:

Kuroo-san, do you think I'm Japanese.

Kuroo-san opens his mouth and then shuts it and then opens it again and says, “yes.”

Lev sighs. Kuroo-san says, “go talk to Yaku-san.”

\--

Yaku-san is the nicest. He listens to Lev and gives him a tissue. He pats Lev on the shoulder, which he can reach because they are both sitting down.

When Lev points this out, Yaku-san doesn't even kick him.

\--

Lev can't sleep, so he gets up. He sees a light on through the hallway, and follows it to his mother on the couch, staring at news sites on the laptop. Her reading glasses are close to falling off her nose. Her eyes are rimmed red from crying. She sees Lev. She pats the space next to her on the couch. 

Lev tries to crawl onto her lap.

My child is too big! she says.  
When did you get so tall? she asks.  
My little lion is like a stick. she says

Lev knows his mother is joking, because she's the one who takes him to the physiotherapist when his bones hurt from growing too fast.

They sit there for a long time, Lev's mother sipping at her black tea she brought back from home, until Lev falls asleep on the couch, in his home.

**Author's Note:**

> eta: written before we meet alisa


End file.
